Sunday, December 11, 2011

Let them eat bombs

Is Grandma losing some of her Medicare coverage? Tell her to join the all-volunteer Army. Is your six-year-old daughter booted out of aftercare at her elementary school because you can't afford the fees? You really should get her down to the recruiter's office to sign up for Delayed Entry--maybe you can help her negotiate a signing bonus that will cover her jacked-up school lunch costs too. And you, you layabout, you say you are being foreclosed on because they downsized your company and you can't find work and your mortgage company is making its move? Well, why on Earth don't you seek Pentagon contractor work? According to the hawks, they are huge employers. Do we have to spell it out for you?

Of course, the liberals are always trying to convert us all to Islam and surrender to al Qa'ida on the days they aren't trying to capitulate to the commies. They send their messages in pumpkins, which is well known, so we have broken all their codes and understand their devious unChristian plans. Today, however, the pumpkin is The New York Times, in which they have an unsigned editorial promoting abject surrender, cleverly disguised as fiscal prudence. Unsigned? That means their editorial board agreed on it, which sends a strong signal that they have consolidated their anti-American white flag message designed to brainwash us all into cowardly subservience to the jihadis who want little girls educated. Wait. The commies who want Grandma to have health care. No. The fifth-columnists acting as the fourth branch. Yeah, that's the ticket.

The disloyal cut-and-run Congress, if left to their own devices, seem ready to cut our beloved Pentagon back to 2007 levels of hyperspending. What to do? Next thing we know, Obama will get a government jobs program passed and unemployment will be reduced to three percent. He's such an Ayatollah socialist. Some outliers continue to line up with the wimps who want health care. Ask yourself, are you a loyal corporate-loving American or do you want to just give in to pressure from the losers who just pander to old women and little girls?

So rally hard to save the Poor Pentagon. The fate of Lockheed executives, few of whom even remember how many mansions they own, is at stake. Be a real American. Write your elected official and tell him to save all the war profits now!


Andy said...

You beat me to it. Instead of writing this sarcastic piece myself I can refer people to yours! I once wrote a letter to my congressional reps that we should invade China and India because they have nuclear weapons and so many scary people.

Tom H. Hastings said...

Thanks, Andy. I think any country with nuclear weapons is safe from us, but we will mercilessly beat up their friends and anyone who is trying to get a nuke. Maybe we should collaborate on the Handbook of the Chickenhawk, Field Edition, for our fearless leaders.