Dialog across difference #27: Golden bridges

In all conflicts in which you hope for a passable outcome, it is wise to keep the golden bridges in mind. 

Sometimes the golden bridge is to a solution you've synthesized that meets more of all parties' objectives than the zero-sum garden variety "choices." 

Sometimes the golden bridge is from Sun Tzu's The Art of War, in which he advocates building a golden bridge over which your enemy can retreat--make your opponent's retreat feel worthy, with zero disrespect or shame attached to the retreat and with other rewards to which you've drawn attention. 

When I've failed to manage my conflicts well, I have failed to use an available golden bridge or I've failed to build one. 

I suspect my failures relate to my absorption of the dysfunctional conflict culture in which we live. I suspect my successes relate to my learning about the methods we are studying in the field of Conflict Transformation. 

I had a conflict today with two professors. I felt misunderstood and ambushed, and worked on golden bridges, and the conflict transformed from destructive to productive and constructive. Here I am in my elder years and still learning and still needing the self-talk necessary to push myself down the proper path. But when I do, it works. The younger you learn this, the more it can become your default response and the less that conflict will impinge on your sense of well-being.