Friday, December 31, 2010

Fox News: Execute forgiveness

Tucker Carlson is a Fox News commentator, self-proclaimed Christian, and a believer in the death penalty for those convicted of cruelty to dogs. If they're black. OK, I made up the second sentence. I'm trained in recognizing Fox Code. Michael Vick is black. He was convicted of killing dogs and he served two years in prison for that crime. He is now speaking cross country on behalf of the Humane Society and apologizing, though his 'debt to society' is paid. People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals say they are glad Obama called the Philadelphia Eagles coach to thank him for giving Vick a second chance.

Did I mention that the president had made that call? That is what prompted the kerfuffle. The black president, trying to cover up his Kenyan Muslim birth certificate, we presume, is going deep-end sports and military in an effort to wow and woo Republicans, his new wannabe base. But Tucker Carlson noticed that Obama is maybe spending his time on things that don't merit presidential opinion, which is a fair point. Obama should maybe keep his administration on task. We have Afghan civilians to slaughter.

Speaking of Christian behavior, here are Carlson's very words:
I’m Christian. I’ve made mistakes. I believe fervently in second chances. Michael Vick killed dogs in a heartless and cruel way. I think, firstly, he should have been executed for that.
Dick Cheney killed Iraqis and Afghans in a heartless and cruel way, as did George Bush, Donald Rumsfeld, and the entire US military. That's a lot of executions to contemplate. Is Fox News now suggesting that killing dogs is the same as killing children? I'm a vegetarian and I believe in live and let live, but when I hear that misanthropic and capital punishment retributive confluence it I admit I am nonplussed. Vick was never facing capital punishment and, duh, in fact there is no state in the US that makes dog killing a capital offense. Dogs are routinely euthanized in the US, animals are slaughtered all day and night for food, Sarah Palin is out there shooting caribou and whatever else wanders into her gunsights (excuse me whilst I fantasize a Palin-Cheney hunting trip), and suddenly Fox News is going to fix animal cruelty by executing a black football player who committed and was convicted for and served sentence for his crime. So! Tell us, Tucker, what other new categories of crimes should be upgraded to the death penalty? Spanking your child while Black? Being Black? Being Green? Wearing bow ties? (OK, I see the case for that, but still...)

Of course what is really happening here is the latest Leap-On in the HateObama campaign from the right. I probably disagree with Obama as much as does Rush Limbic or Pinhead Patriot Bill O'Reilly or Tucker "Dogs-Are-Only-Human" Carlson--but for the opposite reasons that all of them do--and yet I still like Obama as a person. They never did, not even for a nanosecond. Tucker Carlson looks like a trope for white male privilege and Obama's background was so tough no one can quite nail it down. He is the offspring of a black man and a white woman, which is unbelievably threatening to some white guys, though they would never in a million years admit it. That is part of what I mean by the Fox Code. This entire Michael Vick imbroglio reeks of it.

Violence will never solve violence. Michael Vick and Tucker Carlson should both be on parole for a while, forced to eat vegan together and their combined salaries could help fund a no-kill animal shelter. I'd love to watch them promote it as a team. For a minute.

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