Deëscalation tip #38

What about deëscalating children? One expert notes that strategies are somewhat different as the child ages up from toddler to pre-teen to teen. Our expressions and tone are as important as actual words. When we are calm in the face of rager kids, and when we exude empathy in a screaming environment, our deëscalation is quicker, easier, and may even stretch out the times between meltdowns.

Deëscalation tip #37

Deëscalation possibilities can be improved if it seems practical to invite the escalated party to a more private setting. This is not always situationally doable--e.g., you are in the midst of a crowd of thousands and no path to privacy is in sight--nor is it always advisable--e.g., you are personally targeted and credibly threatened by a person clearly capable of violence. But when it is more readily available, a quieter environment without distractions or an audience can begin to achieve a less escalated status for your escalated person. This is part of the art of deëscalation, to account for unique scenarios, threat levels, and capacities.

Deëscalation tip #36

 Peace teams of unarmed, nonviolent peaceworkers have a very good track record of violence reduction and deëscalation, even in hot conflict zones. In the US, our "mother ship" is the Meta Peace Team, based in Michigan. They have worked around the world and have helped create dozens of new peace teams elsewhere. They offer special trainings--either in Michigan or they will travel to do peace team trainings elsewhere. https://www.metapeaceteam.org/

Deëscalation tip #35

When corkers (bike riders tasked with halting traffic while an event passes an intersection) are out trying to keep riders, marchers, walkers, or activists safe at intersections, they can practice deëscalation--or at the very least avoid escalating drivers who are inconvenienced by the corkers temporarily blocking the intersection. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=I_2zlKRxutE

Deëscalation tip #34

 Learning about both the theory and practice of adaptive conflict transformation can help us become smarter and more effective conflict workers--but only if we are seriously honest with ourselves. 

·       Do I talk over others in my eagerness to win arguments?

·       Do I assume the fundamental attribution error (my mistakes are excusable and due to circumstances; the mistakes of others are due to their flawed nature)?

·       Am I compassionate or judgmental?

·       Do I avoid conflict at all costs?

·       Am I a doormat, submissive and compliant even when I feel I am allowing someone to dominate me?

·       Am I dismissive of the hurt someone else might feel?

All these questions and more, informed by the scholars and practitioners who have proven concepts and techniques, can help us overcome the weaknesses that hold us back from increasing success in managing conflict. Honest self-assessment and self-talk are how we learn, no matter how slowly, to best manage the inevitable conflict coming our way. 

Practicing the listening necessary to effective deëscalation is improved by our rigorous self-awareness and willingness to move out of our comfort zone.

Deëscalation tip #33

Creating new neural pathways can change our "natural" responses. 

Meeting an escalated person's unreasonable demands, accusations, and hostility with respectful listening may feel quite unnatural, even as our default reactions might be internally escalated and burning to meet aggression with aggression. The focus on deëscalation, as unnatural as it may feel, can help us overcome that default wiring. 

But only by practice can we slowly make that new neural pathway as well used and ultimately more easily taken than the old reactionary pathway. This is how we incrementally develop a new natural response, a new default pathway to manage escalated behavior--ours and theirs. We can speed up that adaptive process by much more practice. 

Deëscalation tip #32

Be aware of the fundamental negative attribution error, which is our human tendency to assume that anything we don't appreciate about another person is due to their character flaws, while anything we do that might not be right or good is due to unfortunate circumstances. No excuses for The Other; always an excuse for ourselves. Knowing that this is a natural human mistake can help us activate more compassion and less judgmentalism, which is so key to deëscalation. 

Deëscalation tip #31

Don't interrupt. Be sensitive to what the escalated person feels is interruption. Interrupting can be interpreted as disrespectful, or as an attempt by you to dominate or dismiss their urgent concerns. If you are nodding to express understanding, monitor how your responses, even your nonverbals, are being received and interpreted: 

• Smiling is generally good, but alter your expression if it seems like your smile is being interpreted as mocking.
• Nodding is generally good, but alter it somehow if it seems like it's being interpreted as an effort to get them to hurry up and finish so you can respond. 
• Empathic eye contact is good, but alter it if it seems like it's being interpreted as a challenge.

Your own self-talk should include a reminder that you want to indicate that you are listening to understand, not to judge or rebut. Every scenario is unique; the deëscalation tradecraft is both conceptual and pro forma template. You are unique. Your escalated person is unique. The context is unique. Therefore, unlike some exact unchangeable practices, perhaps like CPR, deëscalation is more of a conceptually-informed art and you, therefore, take the concepts and the techniques and use them in creating your own situational art. You are the artist.

Deëscalation tip #30

Work in teams. If you are already operating with at least one other, great. If not, try to recruit. Do not hesitate to be assertive with bystanders. "Please don't interfere, my friend." "If you can, please find a drink of water for him." "Kindly show compassion and lower your voice, please." "Let's put a hold on the debate for a minute, please, and see if we can make progress together." "There's time to discuss the fine points a bit later, once we can all hear each other." "Understood. Can we put a pin in that and focus on emotional care for a minute?

Create a team on the fly if necessary. Do not fear leadership, just stress humility as you engage assertively. 

Deëscalation tip #29

Leslie Gregory, Portland Peace Team member/trainer and water safety expert: 

Use the same precautionary principle as learning to lifeguard: Approach deëscalation as you would a water rescue: Do not create two victims. Stay safe even as you help another back to safety. 

Deëscalation tip #28

No judgment, much empathy. A person who is escalated often feels shamed or disrespected. Seeming judgmental can heighten that sense of feeling violated and dismissed. Inquiring with empathy does not equal agreement or support of destructive action. Instead, it simply shows a willingness to hear the reasoning behind the reactions of the escalated person.

Deëscalation tip #27: Braver Angels

More and more, many who work to deëscalate conflict are proposing ways to "predeëscalate." How do we change the conditions so that escalation is less frequent, or less intense? How do we anticipate the possible escalatory situations and get ahead of that dangerous curve? Initiating community conversations can help, especially if the invitation to do so includes groundrules that comfort others who are wary and weary of biting, bitter exhanges. This sort of work is happening intentionally now, with organizations such as Braver Angels, a network of local groups devoted to community well being through depolarizing dialog. 

We can do this. We can get our culture back. We can return to disagreement without being disagreeable. It takes involvement by good-hearted, sincere people determined to overcome the dangerous allure of hate and objectification. 

Deëscalation tip #26

When an escalated individual is in a crowded space, one person should attempt to deëscalate while another clears an exit path for the person. If a person suddenly decides "enough!" and turns to leave, only to be blocked by the crowd, that is a situation that can lead straight back to escalated emotions and actions. 

That is sometimes when you can see a weapon appear as the person boomerangs from the tentative deëscalated state back to even more elevated escalatory behaviors. A line of sight to the exit (the door or a far less crowded area) is the job of the second member of a peace team--whether that's an official peace team or a simple ad hoc momentary collaboration. 

We were taught this by the late Genny Nelson, founder of Sisters of the Road Cafe, a place for street people to eat a cheap nourishing meal, and a place frequently extremely crowded. Genny reminds me of the best eulogy I've ever read--that of Philip Noel-Baker made for Gandhi: "His greatest achievements are yet to come." Genny changed street culture in Portland and she planted the seeds of nonviolence that can still sprout and flourish. 

Deëscalation tip #25

Don't make the escalated person feel ganged up on. One person at a time should be in contact with the escalated individual. One other may be there, silent, looking unimposing, looking interested but quiet, a bit further away. Surrounding an escalated person, even with silent members, can escalate the person. With enough such surrounded attention, the lone escalated person may lose ratioanal abilities, even without any spoken content. This can lead to irrational action, fatal under some unfortunate circumstances. 

Deëscalation tip #24

Be aware of your body language if you hope to deëscalate someone. Avoid direct facing, try not to stand with arms folded in a domineer fashion across your chest, keep hands open and visible, and even try to avoid sunglasses or any other appearance of stealth, dominance, or imperiousness. Smile gently. Look like you are listening.

Deëscalation tip #23

Deëscalation experts remind us to be aware of the "amygdala hijack," that is, the sudden dominance of the most primitive part of our brain when we feel suddenly threatened. It perhaps allows us to instantly avoid a mortal threat, such as an obviously enraged man suddenly lunging at us with a knife, but it can also shut down our prefrontal cortex, the portion of our brain most recently evolved into a logical, complex analytical human executive area. When we evade and avoid that amygdala hijack we can help others do the same. As always, deëscalating anyone else is accomplished by first deëscalating ourselves.

Deëscalation tip #22

Experiencing emotional outbursts from others is disconcerting for most of us. We tend to wonder a couple of things: 1) What did I do to deserve this and does this person hate me? and 2) How can I fix this, either by showing my empathy and figuring out how to fix it or by responding with my own outburst, thus establishing either dominance or such discomfort that the person won't do this again?

Conflict experts Bill Ury and Roger Fisher really try to help us understand that being the calm one is how the other person might tend to also become calm. Regarding an emotional outburst as a signal that the person is feeling radically misunderstood or completely unheard can help us self-regulate into the sort of probing response that can not only serve to deëscalate another but it can help us in our search to identify the other's interests. The emotional outburst is often a restatement of position, opening it to a logical question, "Okay, understood, and help me learn more about why you feel strongly about this." You are acknowledging the strong feeling, not agreeing with it, and in fact, since you seek an explanation, you show you are not buying the position, but since you ask, perhaps you could, if you get a logical, reasonable explanation. This helps the person feel heard, something so emotionally necessary that productive conflict management cannot continue without that minimal element. 

By showing genuine curiosity you also refrain from presenting yourself as The Fixer, which may be offered with excellent intentions but is often received as, "Now they think they can control me, even though they clearly don't understand what the hell I've been trying to say."

Reference

Fisher, Roger and William Ury (2011). Getting to Yes: Negotiating Agreement without Giving In (3rd ed.). NYC: Penguin. 

Deëscalation tip #21

 Listen with humility. When you are actively listening, you are paraphrasing without assumptions. For instance, "Thanks for helping me understand your thinking. Correct me if I'm wrong. What I hear you saying is..."

Deëscalation tip #20

 Some 30 years ago, Neil Katz and Kevin McNulty wrote about one sort of listening that can be used to deëscalate: 

"Reflective listening is a special type of listening that involves paying respectful attention to the content and feeling expressed in another persons’ communication. Reflective listening is hearing and understanding, and then letting the other know that he or she is being heard and understood. It requires responding actively to another while keeping your attention focused completely on the speaker. In reflective listening, you do not offer your perspective by carefully keep the focus on the other’s need or problem. Thus reflective listening consists of a step beyond what is normally thought of as listening:

1. Hearing and understanding what the other person is communicating through words and 'body language' to the best of your ability.

2. Responding to the other person by reflecting the thoughts and feelings you heard in his or her words, tone of voice, body posture, and gestures."

Deëscalation tip #19

Listening with what Kwame Christian calls compassionate curiosity is a path to deëscalation.

Deëscalation tip #18

How can police get trained to manage escalated people more effectively? Does deëscalation training even help?

Doing or saying things that would tend to derail a maladaptive train of thought should be a tool in the mental belt of any officer. Failure to use that tool is a failure of either police training or police utilization of training. Research is increasingly bearing that out: 

·       Researchers examined 130 police interactions coded for a person in a mental health crisis and found the rates of the use of threats and physical compliance methods leading to injury and death of the subjects were far higher than when supportive police methods were used, e.g., reassurance, sympathy, empathy (Blais & LeClerc, 2023). 

·       Similarly, Engel, et al. (2022), in an empirical study on the Louisville KY police before and after receiving deëscalation training, found that, "Using a stepped‐wedge randomized controlled trial research design, the panel regression results demonstrated statistically significant reductions in use of force incidents (−28.1%), citizen injuries (−26.3%), and officer injuries (−36.0%) in the post‐training period" (p. 199). 

·       Again, Criminologist Li Sian Goh (2021) found a 40 percent reduction in "serious" force use in Camden, New Jersey police overall following de-escalation training, though noting that the findings may not be typical due to several unique situational factors.

References

Blais, E., & Leclerc, B. (2023). A Script Analysis of Successful Police Interventions Involving Individuals in Crisis. Canadian Journal of Criminology & Criminal Justice, 65(3), 92–125. https://doi-org.proxy.lib.pdx.edu/10.3138/cjccj-2023-0018

Engel, R. S., Corsaro, N., Isaza, G. T., & McManus, H. D. (2022). Assessing the impact of de‐escalation training on police behavior: Reducing police use of force in the Louisville, KY Metro Police Department. Criminology & Public Policy, 21(2), 199–233. https://doi.org/10.1111/1745-9133.12574

Goh, L. S. (2021). Did de‐escalation successfully reduce serious use of force in Camden County, New Jersey? A synthetic control analysis of force outcomes. Criminology & Public Policy, 20(2), 207–241. https://doi.org/10.1111/1745-9133.12536

Deëscalation tip #17

 Two things that have no place in deëscalation: debate and argument.

Deëscalation first, then civil discussion, including argument and debate. If the discussion is already civil, no need for deëscalation.

Deëscalation tip #16

 Police are beginning to learn their own version of deëscalation with verbal judo, deëscalation for armed officers. This differs from unarmed deëscalation, but it is certainly a welcome direction. 

Deëscalation tip #15

 Offered on the 55th anniversary of the assassination of Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr.

MLK wrote a letter from Birmingham City Jail in April of 1963, just five years before he was taken from us. That Letter from Birmingham Jail remains canonical in American literature and it contains many lessons for activists today.

King explains the sequence of any campaign: 

"In any nonviolent campaign there are four basic steps: 1) collection of the facts to determine whether injustices are alive; 2) negotiation; 3) self-purification; and 4) direct action."

Note that step 3, self-purification, is what comes immediately before step 4, direct action. My interpretation of step 3 is the preparation internally, both individually and collectively, necessary to maintain nonviolent discipline in the face of any insult, harm, or provocation. King's sequence is battle-tested and the groundtruthing of its efficacy was proven in struggle after struggle in the Civil Rights Movement. 

The role of the peacemaker in social justice direct action is to call everyone to that state of being that King advises, the self-purification in preparation for hot conflict and chaos. I believe MLK would approve of the deëscalation necessary to allow the campaign to escalate, one of the great ironies of successful campaigns. Indeed, the rigorous training developed by Rev. James Lawson that was crucial to the success of campaign after campaign was all about that ability to deëscalate oneself and remain in that state with great discipline. 

Dr. King, we miss you. 

Deëscalation tip #14

 William Ury notes in his new book, Possible: How We Survive (and Thrive) in an Age of Conflict, that we have "an innate power available to each of us: to pause with intention and calmly choose the next step" (p. 51).

Deëscalation tip #13

Practice the techniques of deëscalation enough times and they become new neural pathways, new increasingly natural default responses, overcoming old default conflict reactions we were taught by family, friends, and media. This happens easily with some whose conditioning is relatively light, but for most of us it takes a great deal of practice and focus to solidify deëscalation as the strongest, dominant, mental muscle memory.