Deëscalation tip #66: Getting physical

When we try to deëscalate an enraged person, do we use words to finesse them? Sure, but that's not all.

Do we listen well so they feel heard? Absolutely, but we cannot call that enough. 

Do we offer to help so they feel supported? Clearly, that can make the tipping point cascade into a new calm. 

But there is one more aspect to complete our approach: we need to know the physical side of emotional work. Briefly:[1]

·       Be aware of eye contact reactions. Some regard direct eye contact as challenging, threatening, an attempt to dominate. Others regard no eye contact as an indication that you are lying and cannot be trusted. Be very cognizant constantly of the reactions you are getting and adjust. 

·       Keep hands open and visible, not in pockets, not behind your back, not clenched. 

·       Relax your arms. Do not fold them across your chest. 

·       Generally try to be at a bit of an angle, not a direct facing posture. 

·       Keep your distance, possibly at least six or eight feet, as the situation seems to require. That makes you less threatening and makes your subject less threatening. 

·       Never shake your finger or point at the person you wish to calm down. 

·       Be very wary of touching. In virtually every case, touching a hand on a shoulder or upper arm is only possible and even advisable after the person is deëscalated enough to largely render that no longer regarded as a potentially emergency threatening move. 

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[1] https://osas.wisc.edu/guide/verbal-de-escalation-techniques/