Deëscalation tip #20

 Some 30 years ago, Neil Katz and Kevin McNulty wrote about one sort of listening that can be used to deëscalate: 

"Reflective listening is a special type of listening that involves paying respectful attention to the content and feeling expressed in another persons’ communication. Reflective listening is hearing and understanding, and then letting the other know that he or she is being heard and understood. It requires responding actively to another while keeping your attention focused completely on the speaker. In reflective listening, you do not offer your perspective by carefully keep the focus on the other’s need or problem. Thus reflective listening consists of a step beyond what is normally thought of as listening:

1. Hearing and understanding what the other person is communicating through words and 'body language' to the best of your ability.

2. Responding to the other person by reflecting the thoughts and feelings you heard in his or her words, tone of voice, body posture, and gestures."