Dialog across difference #10: My issues! Read all about 'em!

 One of the trickiest balances in engaging in dialog across difference, in cross-cultural conversations, and in trauma-affected discussions is the use of "I" statements.

This is sometimes misidentified as being any statement that begins with "I..."

No. 

A far more useful and accurate description from the Harvard Chan School of Public Health:

"Let us speak from our own personal experience rather than speaking of another’s experience or generalizing about a group, whether that group is our own or another’s."

The question then becomes how we all might use I statements that work to increase understanding and decrease harmful emotional outcomes. Examples: 

·      I feel that when you say that, you reveal ignorance. Not a healthy helpful I statement.

·       When I hear anyone say anything in general about people like me, I feel nervous. Yes, this is a helpful I statement describing a personal feeling. 

·       I know you mean to demean me. Not a good I statement but instead decides what someone else is intending.

·       That cartoon feels hurtful, possibly disrespectful, to me. Yes, this is a healthy declaration of a personal emotional response to an image. It is a door to exploration of honest feelings.

While I statements may not be a panacea, they are one technique to practice in preparation for cross-cultural conversations.