Dialog across difference #15: Then came the lame blame and shame game

With some extreme exceptions (e.g., sexual abuse of a child, greed-motivated murder), there are a multitude of practical reasons to eschew the all-too-human tendency to blame someone for anything that isn't perfect, or even for something that is an epic fail. 

Stone, Patton & Heen (2023) line some of them up for our consideration:

·       Usually doesn't problem-solve.

·       Limits learning and learning-based adjustments. 

·       Allows all others who contributed in any way to continue contributing to the next iteration of the failure.

·       Can cause the blamed person to take no future risks and achieve few future rewards.

·       Reinforces the zero-sum nature of adversarial conflict, which incentivizes blaming others in order to own no share of the problem.

All these factors and more inform the best facilitators, who generally shift the conversations from finger-pointing to handshaking on promises to collaborate on problem-avoidance as the best problem solution.

References

Stone, Douglas; Patton, Bruce; Heen, Sheila (2023). Difficult conversations: How to discuss what matters most, 3rd ed. New York, NY: Penguin.